#books ## Title: The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness --- ### Author: Ichiro Kishimi #### Rating: 5/5 #### Date: 2019/02/09 ## Review --- This book is about the teachings of Alfred Adler, a prominent 20th century psychologist. Admittedly, I had never heard of Adlerian psychology before I laid eyes on this book. The main premise is the concept of teleology, which is the study of the purpose of a given phenomenon as opposed to a study of what caused it. The following quote summarizes this concept: “People are not driven by past causes but move toward goals that they themselves set.” For instance, take a mother shouting in anger towards her daughter, teleology will look at what that anger is “trying” to achieve rather than to investigate what caused it; as opposed to Freudian psychology, which studies causality. The aim is that, by understanding the “goal” of the given emotion/state of mind, it can be resolved and thus lead to a more integrated mind. In this case, the goal could be that the mother is feeling anger because she has a “goal” of overpowering her daughter into submitting. I found this concept to be truly empowering. Once I understood it, it meant that I could be free from the past see the world not limited by whatever happened. This book then builds on this concept to discuss several aspects of life, ranging from interpersonal relationships to courage and happiness. It offered a new way of looking at things. I found it to be full of wisdom and enlightening to many questions I struggle with every day. If you have never heard of Adlerian psychology, or if you want to learn a few things through a Socrates-Plato style dialogue between a philosopher and youth, I recommend this book. For all the reasons stated above I give it 5 stars. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book: “Trauma does not exist.…we make out of it whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining.” “Loneliness is having other people and society and community around you, and having a deep sense of being excluded from them.” “The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked.” “All problems are interpersonal relationship problems.” “There are two objectives for behavior: to be self-reliant and to live in harmony with society.” ---